Nominal Considerations

I've been impressed with my classmates' creative abilities in the short time I've known them. Doubly so for those in the blogosphere. So I can't help but be disappointed that the best pseudonyms they've come up with for our instructors are "Prof. CivPro" and "Prof. K." To remedy this shortcoming, comrades, I humbly suggest the following nomenclature for the professors we've had thus far. Thoughts?

The Commodore- This is the only title befitting a man who relishes any case ruled upon by His Excellency the Lord Chancellor of England, and commands his own fleet of BMWs. Unfortunately, this “fleet” of three really only qualifies as a flotilla. Thus our learned prof is properly styled a Commodore and not an Admiral. I will admit extrinsic evidence indicating a more substantial force, to include Bathtub-class vessels.

Mr. Smith- When this professor speaks, one can’t help but feel pangs of sympathy for those poor Boy Rangers about to lose their Willit Creek campground to graft. Ok, maybe he’s not Jefferson Smith, but this man’s straightforward yet deeply knowledgeable lectures do Jimmy Stewart proud. Maybe it’s the heartland accent. It’s always a wonderful life in his class, as long as you keep your multiple sufficient causes straight from your alternative liability.

Snape- Expecto Pennoyer! I’ve used this one in past posts, and it’s a fitting analogue. Like Snape, this prof teaches a 1Q subject that’s often overlooked, but absolutely essential. You don’t really know which side he’s on until it’s too late. Just like Snape, he’s an insufferable pain in the ass who turns out to be in your corner. Wish I could have sought a change of venue.

The Fusilier- This isn’t a cop out, just a happy coincidence. In military history, the fusilier was a soldier armed with the fusil, a short flintlock using enclosed tinder and often affixed with a bayonet. The gun was just like the prof—short, to the point, and packing a punch. Historic fusiliers guarded artillery equipment, much like this professor guards her students’ rights to their security deposits.

The Reverend- He claims his father was the preacher in the family, but we all know who got the gift of gab. It’s not his own morality his teaches with all the attendant fire and brimstone, but that of the Immaculate Model Penal Code. I knowingly and intentionally signed up for this class, but recklessly thought we’d finish mens rea by the end of the quarter.

The Architect and The Oracle- Question presented: Under Matrix law, does Neo chose correctly when the Architect assigns a wide-open research memo? Thus choosing, does Neo’s argument prevail vis-à-vis residential tenancy statutes? Ergo, this professor’s alter ego, the master logician who ensnares even the cleverest minds in his IRACnid web. The Oracle sees all and knows all in the Baylor Law Library. He shows the way to meet the Architect’s logic blow-for-blow, and offers a path to true understanding of all legal knowledge. Will you chose the Bluebook, and go home, or the Redbook, and see how far the rabbit hole goes?

The Pirklator- Nothing gets your morning going right like a cup of joe and a big pile of punative damages. Sure, we don't count as billable hours, but even at 8am this adjunct's giving it his all.